As if us mums don't have enough to deal with we have to worry about 'getting our figures back'. Well, I've decided mine isn't coming back. I think it's gone on a very long holiday, hopefully somewhere nice and hot. Apparently it is so very important to 'get in shape' after having children. Not sure what shape that is but I don't think it's anything remotely round!
Who do we all blame for this urgent need to add strict diets and exercise to our already extensive list of things to do? Well, the yummy mummy of course! You know, the ones that look like they don't even have children due to their perfect hair and make up, immaculate clothes, (i.e those without stains resembling snot, sick, biscuit, chocolate, pen, and so on), oh and their ever so trim figures. Of course I am mainly referring to celebrities who have the luxury of hired help to actually bring up the children whilst they enlist the help of make up artists, personal trainers, and nutritionists to help with the rest. I have however seen a few about locally. (Yes, even in Crawley!)
Apparently the term 'yummy mummy' refers to someone young, attractive, and wealthy. By young they mean below 30. I'm gutted because obviously I was doing so well with the other two??!!
Of course I do try and be more 'yummy' than 'slummy'. By that I mean I make efforts to do my hair and always put make up on, and I have never once felt the need to go to school in my pyjamas!! However a brisk walk up to school pushing two 18 month olds in a buggy with a four year old clinging on to it in all weathers leaves me looking either hot and bothered, windswept, or a frizzy haired mess. What do you mean this isn't a good look?! Lol!!
In terms of diets and exercise, well, I try, I really do and it's not like I am ever just sitting around all day and whilst I'm an expert at losing weight off stupid places no-one cares about, can I shift the flab that has become my tummy?! No I bloody well can't!! The less I eat the less weight I lose. (Unfortunately it doesn't work the other way - I have tried). I am quite keen on Zumba at the moment and that should get me fit if nothing else but the tummy? Well, I think it's here to stay and it's brought it's suitcase with it! To be honest, is it really any surprise? It has had 3 children in it after all- and 2 of them in one go! Unsurprisingly I didn't embrace pregnancy yoga and special diets whilst up the duff either, opting for a much more relaxed 'if I want it I'll have it' attitude. Well, certainly with my daughter. With the boys quite frankly there was no spare room in there!! My husband says he quite likes it as it was the first home to all our children. He also reminds me that prior to having children I was smaller and still unhappy so apparenty there is no pleasing me!!
I suppose that whilst I don't wish to become all mumsy and stop being 'me' as well, I also don't want to look as though I don't have children because, well, I do. Obviously. I want to ensure that I am fit and healthy, but I also want my children to grow up knowing me as me and not pretending to be someone else. So, if it's ok I am going to rebel against the yummy mummy and instead be a 'real' mummy!! I reckon I am a good enough mummy to my children who are confident, sociable, happy, and thriving. I may be a bit slummy at times but I'm sure it's more fun to have a mummy who likes eating chocolate and playing with the them than one that spends all day in front of a mirror, on the scales, or at a gym!
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
'sometimes the tiniest feet leave the greatest footprints'
Today marks three years since I had my first miscarriage (the first of two sadly and the 'easier' of the two if there is such a thing as an 'easy' miscarriage!) Firstly, I can't believe it has been three years. Secondly, I am grateful for what I have got and do understand that sometimes things happen for a reason, even though I never knew what that reason was, and I would not have my boys if I had not had these unsuccessful pregnancies. However, this does not mean I have forgotten and it also does not mean I cannot be a little sad.
It's easy to feel very alone after a miscarriage, but talking about it to people meant that I suddenly discovered I knew many people who had been through the same and it is actually incredibly, and very sadly, a common occurrence. However, just because something is common it does not make it any less heartbreaking at the time, and indeed for some a long while after.
Everyone handles miscarriage differently and the truth is there is no 'correct way' to cope. A lot of people, particularly those that have never suffered a miscarriage do not understand, (and to be honest how could they), often thinking that it was not an actual baby, or in my case, already having one child at the time, that I should just be grateful I was able to have one. (I always found this one particularly hard- I mean if you had two sisters and one died no-one would ever say 'well, at least you have another one'!!) Whilst all these things may be true to an extent, and I do believe that the body is a clever thing and that perhaps my babies were not well enough to live, I still carried those babies inside me, albeit for a short time. I saw the second baby on a screen at the hospital and still have a picture. They had heartbeats. They may have been short lived heartbeats, but they were alive at some point so no-one can say they were not real.
The Miscarriage Association explains this better than I can:
'After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for the hopes and plans and dreams that you had for your baby and your family. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of this baby. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be.'
So whilst I am being thankful and feeling incredibly blessed to have three healthy children and an incredibly supportive husband, I will take a moment later to remember my babies that did not make it into the world this evening whilst I light a candle because they were part of me.
Here are some poems about miscarriage:
I didn’t get to feel you kick, or look into your eyes.
I didn’t hold you in my arms, or hear your little cry.
I didn’t get to see your smile, or even know your name.
But, you’ll always be my baby and I love you just the same.
by Summer Herbst
Little Snowdrop
The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way For all eternity.
The little one we long for Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty, Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts Says that we love you.
Author Unknown
"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
~author unknown
If anyone knows of anymore particularly those that are special to them, please feel free to add them.
Websites that I found useful:
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
http://www.bounty.com
http://www.netmums.com
It's easy to feel very alone after a miscarriage, but talking about it to people meant that I suddenly discovered I knew many people who had been through the same and it is actually incredibly, and very sadly, a common occurrence. However, just because something is common it does not make it any less heartbreaking at the time, and indeed for some a long while after.
Everyone handles miscarriage differently and the truth is there is no 'correct way' to cope. A lot of people, particularly those that have never suffered a miscarriage do not understand, (and to be honest how could they), often thinking that it was not an actual baby, or in my case, already having one child at the time, that I should just be grateful I was able to have one. (I always found this one particularly hard- I mean if you had two sisters and one died no-one would ever say 'well, at least you have another one'!!) Whilst all these things may be true to an extent, and I do believe that the body is a clever thing and that perhaps my babies were not well enough to live, I still carried those babies inside me, albeit for a short time. I saw the second baby on a screen at the hospital and still have a picture. They had heartbeats. They may have been short lived heartbeats, but they were alive at some point so no-one can say they were not real.
The Miscarriage Association explains this better than I can:
'After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for the hopes and plans and dreams that you had for your baby and your family. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of this baby. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be.'
So whilst I am being thankful and feeling incredibly blessed to have three healthy children and an incredibly supportive husband, I will take a moment later to remember my babies that did not make it into the world this evening whilst I light a candle because they were part of me.
Here are some poems about miscarriage:
I didn’t get to feel you kick, or look into your eyes.
I didn’t hold you in my arms, or hear your little cry.
I didn’t get to see your smile, or even know your name.
But, you’ll always be my baby and I love you just the same.
by Summer Herbst
Little Snowdrop
The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way For all eternity.
The little one we long for Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty, Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts Says that we love you.
Author Unknown
"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
~author unknown
If anyone knows of anymore particularly those that are special to them, please feel free to add them.
Websites that I found useful:
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
http://www.bounty.com
http://www.netmums.com
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